staish (anastasia_says) wrote in brokencalm,
staish
anastasia_says
brokencalm

Osmosis

I haven't felt so wonderful in such a long time and these words just...washed over me. It's still pretty unpolished. Let me know what you think, if anything at all.


Trace fire over my skin
I want to let it all, feel it all, experience and give in to
the osmosis of the world sliding in

This is everything
gently unlatching the door to a soul
A sweet unravelling of threads and
I am, I am

Love me,
allow me to drink in the sky with quiet naivete
And make fists in the palette of water and wine
...don't tell them about me
stealing colours to make fingerpainted messes: it's all I could create

Love me all the same.

Come to me tomorrow when my eyes are no longer so clear
trace those flames across my skin when the moment is gone
It's just a scar
from a life so beautiful that I need moments tattooed into me,
for when always begins

Touch me again
With feathers for fingers and the scent of burnt coffee following
catalogue these days for everyone to understand
the depth of pain in broken porcelain
the poignancy of the owl calling a name
the last gasp, the awakening, the burn of becoming...
This is everything
the osmosis of the world sliding in
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i absolutely love it... the imagery and the emotions it makes me feel... and the repetition of 'the osmosis of the world sliding in' at the end..

maybe get rid of 'scarring' in the 5th strophe, though? it sounds unnecessarily repetetive to ,e
You are right, it is too much. I want to edit this right now!

Actually, it's really funny that you said you liked the 'osmosis' repeat; someone else commented that it didn't flow at all. It just re-affirms for me that poetry is so very individual.

Thankyou for your comments!! I really appreciate any feedback, I'm sure you're/we're all the same that way.
yea. poetry really IS individual, but i think most people can appreciate something even if they dont like it. (like did you know some people actually liked the paradelle? i COULDNT appreciate that one, sadly. i mean, its KINDA a cool idea, but not really). and yea, people live for feedback. id never write or take pics if i didnt get any.
Some poetic forms are bizarre as. The paradelle freaks me out. i'm not sure if i'd have the patience to stick to uch rigid forms of expression, i think I'd bust something in my head!
well, i made the mistake of taking a creative writing course that was more about learning different type of poems than actually being. you know. creative. i mean, if its something worth doing, it can be great. like i LOVE writing and reading sestinas. theyre fascinating when done well.
This is great; I'm getting to check out all of this styles now that you've pointed them out. I think I would like to try a creative writing course too. I've always been to scared to, I'm not sure why. maybe the rejection/failure thing but the insight would outweigh that, I'm sure.
yea. constructive criticism is usually wonderful in those courses, though. especially cause a lot of people pick up a lot of things you might never have (like that a more vivid verb would fit better, or that you miscounted the number of syllables in one of the lines of your minute poem). id say if you really like writing, you should definitely try it :D